So I guess I *have* changed

I got my rejection from a school today. Let’s give this school a neat codename, “The University of California at San Francisco”. It’s understandable. They have thosands of applicants for 120 seats. Under a 10% acceptance rate.

I’m okay with it. It doesn’t say anything in particular about who I am. It’s just acceptance math. For my undergraduacy, I kept my rejections from Harvard and Stanford and put them up on my wall as a reminder to myself that I could do better. Now, I’m okay with myself. Maybe that means I’m more secure, but I think the changes are harder to articulate.

Brief Thoughts on Elitism

I am an elitist. Elitism runs in my blood, gets filtered through my sublimely bean-shaped kidneys, and pissed out with the same passion that Mel Gibson pisses out Christ. I know I shouldn’t feel an elitism, but it happens as a result of my current university education.

I attend a relatively highly regarded university, and I’m totally not elitist at all when I’m here. But when I’m back at home or elsewhere, I’m not really intimidated by people because I carry an air of I’M BETTER THAN YOU. It doesn’t have to be far away, I can feel it in the next town over. I guess any confidence is good confidence, although it would help if I had any at all before this point.

Freedom’s just another word for..

You always think that when you get out of school, everything’s going to be awesome and you’ll finally live the life you’ve always wanted to live.

Well, I’m getting a little taste of it. Since I don’t have too much to do next semester, and will have nothing to do the summer between this school and the next, I’m supposed to get a job, hopefully an internship, hopefully in my field. But it just reminds me of my quest to do this sophomore year. I applied to a bunch of stuff and was rejected from all of them, which sucks because I don’t handle rejection that well. I suppose college is the time to learn to deal with rejection. What I hate most about it is that the decision of which applicant is better at this level of education is entirely arbitrary, that each student is pretty much like each other student unless they’re missing hands or something. So I’m doing this shit all over again, and I guess I’ll try a little harder at it and broaden my search to both jobs and internships. I don’t have Friday class so I figure it’s high time I got a job. So I have my resume and I’m applying for things. Using friends as references (although many do know me in a semi-professional setting).

It really sucks because I don’t get work study, or else I’d just get a librarian job and read or something for a few hours a day.