A few weeks ago a grad student friend of mine was talking about her undergraduate experience, and she remarked that she had very few friends and didn’t enjoy attempting to make friends because she found that most of her friends just tried to use her, which is a normal case in the biological sciences. They would ask her for class notes and info from office hours and stuff.
I’ve done this and I’ve had this done to me. The key is to use other people back, or if they’re not useful, passive-aggressively avoid them. But this is the past and the past isn’t the point.
So this one guy I know from this epidemiology class. I bumped into him in the library and he asked me for information for some assignment he forgot to pick up in class. So I write it up and send it to him later that day. Pretty fucking stupid because he could have just asked the professor for the information, but I think he may have been jockeying for position.
In today’s class, we got our take home finals, including some in silico stuff we’re allowed to work with other people on. So just as I pick up my stuff to leave the last official class of my undergraduate career, he stops me to ask if I want to work on the computational stuff with him.
NO! NO! I REALLY DON’T! He’s one of those worthless pre-med students who pretty much treat every class like it’s serious fucking business and he needs to squeeze every point possible out of it.
May 4: update on this fucker. The day we were supposed to meet, he texts me half an hour before and tells me he can’t make it because of some emergency. I’m now most of the way through independently doing this assignment.
So, my roommate just had his first real college breakup. He’d only been invested maybe eight months. He also broke up with a girl in high school, but that was more mutual.
Over two weeks ago, he was straight up dumped. He was really angry at first, like that weekend he got really drunk and went to her house the next day and wouldn’t leave until she talked with him. Apparently he called her a million times at 3 AM when he was drunk and he hatched the whole go-over-to-her-house plan while drunk as well. So he’s not the most rational.
Anyway, she tells him that it’s definitely over a number of times but they can still be friends. But every time they try to hang out (and it’s always him approaching her) she reinforces the concept that they’re over forever and that makes my roommate sad. So that day when he first went over and refused to leave until she came out, he was so depressed that he just walked around the entire day and night and slept in a forest somewhere. And it rained. He was acting unstable and crazy for a good week before he just kind of fell into a perpetual sadness that he’s in now.
This was surprising because everyone could see they weren’t going to last. His manfriends told him not to get involved with her. When they finally went public, it was to really lukewarm reception. Not a “congratulations” but rather a “ooh, dude. bad move.” We publicly bet on when their relationship would end (best guess: by May, only one month off). They had fights all the time. He never did any of the things that she wanted to do. So I (and everyone else) wasn’t really surprised that they broke up. Pretty much the only person who didn’t see it coming is him.
And he’s done away with all remaining dignity. He still loves her and writes a bunch of letters to her about how much he loves her. He’s judged the people in his life based on whether or not they think they should get back together. He’s asked pretty much everyone for advice and cherry picked the results into a crappy plan to attempt to win her back.
Well, that’s him. I could never feel that bad over someone because I hedge my bets.
I was weirdly and inexplicably happy on that day. I don’t know if it was because I got a bunch of work done, or I got a bunch of work done because I was happy.
Being happy is different from not being sad.
Have I self-actualized yet? (p.s. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is full of shit.)