a DISASTER of a house meeting

So we have a house meeting. It’s really annoying to life in a house with alliances and intrigue because this what must be what girl’s dorms are like. Except there’s no overarching authority like an RA to impose order. So I feel that it’s Sticks, Mystique, and me on one side, while Hamburger Helper and Dacia make up the other side. And it’s dumb to the point where HH and Dacia basically back each other up over everything. The controversial issues include how HH and Dacia take showers after midnight (sometimes at 3AM) which wake up Sticks and Mystique. They also turn on the hallway light which wakes them up. Also they set the thermostat to 71 degrees. In Minnesota. In winter. That’s the biggest sticking point, the heat. Minnesota people think they can take the cold. They can’t. In California, it can be 50 degrees inside and I still wouldn’t turn on the heater. It’s just not even in our fucking psyche.

Basically, Dacia and HH are cold. They’re on the third floor and apparently there’s a deck door that’s drafty and they’re cold all the time, even with the thermostat set to 71 (which means that the third floor is warmer because heat rises). This makes the temperature in Mystique’s room 77 degrees, which is uncomfortable for her to sleep in. So then she has to open the window and it’s loud and the hall light’s on because Dacia is retarded and can’t climb stairs when it’s dark which dogs and slinkys can do, but she’s basically a walking disaster zone so it’s not like I expect anything from her. Dacia was like, “WHAT CAN I DO? I’LL MOVE OUT NEXT YEAR.” Yes, threaten to move out because we want the thermostat to be set to 68 and she wants it to be 69. Sticks was like, “No, don’t do anything rash” but really it’d just fucking awesome if she’d move out.

And I don’t give a shit about the temperature, right? I’m an all-weather dude. But I have to pay a fifth of the gas bill, as do Mystique and Sticks, and we’re not benefiting from the heat, we’re effectively subsidizing other people to our own detriment, especially because Mystique has to keep her window open so it’s basically just… really shitty.

Dacia is pushy, stubborn, selfish, and incapable of normal human interaction. Talking with her is like talking with a child. She’s not the first Romanian I’ve met who’s like that. I used to do this gaming thing online, and this Romanian guy who did it too was one of the most disrespectful and annoying people I’ve ever met online, which is quite a feat because I sometimes read Youtube comments. So she’s currently the lowest common denominator for something to which I would consider giving the honorific “human” although she would still make my top 20% most civilized gorillas if we expanded the list to all primates.

“I’m inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa… all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours— whereas all the testing says not really.” — James Watson

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African-American Friday, 2011

My international student friend wanted to go to the mall. He called me yesterday and asked me about it. Like any attempts to impose exterior control on my personal schedule, I gave him a maybe. It depended on how I was feeling today.

Well I woke up in time, so I called him and said that I was down. So I get dressed and go to Jamba Juice to exchange my buy-7-get-1 free card for a Mango-a-Go-Go. I also purchased an agave bar and it was delicious as always. That was actually my lunch the second day I spent in Minneapolis. Anyway, walk in the vague direction of the stadium, and I spot my international friend, let’s call him Alpha, just as the bus arrived. We exit the bus a few miles east and wait to transfer. He wants to go into a Payless Shoe to try on some boots he was looking at online. So we do that. The in-store stereo played “Breathless” by The Coors. I sang and danced to it. Alpha looked at me like I was crazy.

The boots fit and we walked to the bus stop. I stood on the bus bench. It was a really shitty neighborhood, where the houses are ugly and disrepaired and trash litters the ground everywhere. Lots of low-SES people around. I should not have worn a tie. They can smell that I’m not one of them. I don’t smell of Miller High Life and the Franklin Mint’s collectible Obama coins. Anyway, we pass a mother and child walking home in the fifty-degree weather, and the child points at me (standing on the bus bench) and apparently wants to take the bus. The mother refuses as they lived two blocks away. Then the kid points to a shopping cart haphazardly placed a few feet away and the mother is like, no I’m not going to push you.

That lady wouldn’t recklessly use a shopping cart… but I would. So Alpha volunteered to get into the shopping cart, and I pushed him forward at a running pace. We went maybe ten yards or so. Then he was like, “Let’s go back.” So then I started running backwards. Then… I could feel the cart start to tilt. And Alpha was sort of crouching on the cart, so the center of gravity was high. Yeah, he fell out and onto the sidewalk. He fell on his tailbone, which was good. I was afraid that he’d hit his head. He was a bit melodramatic about the pain, but he scraped the side of his hand and he kept on talking about how much his butt hurt. He was kind of bleeding and a little hurt, so even though the bus came, I waved it away because Alpha was melodramatically hurt. When he got enough willpower to walk, we walked to a nearby Taco Bell to clean out his scrape. I felt kinda crappy about using facilities without buying anything, so I bought two tacos and they were moderately good actually for the price. This was the first time I’ve ever actually eaten at Taco Bell. I gave a taco to Alpha. I figured he would like it because he loves trashy food like KFC.

When we leave Taco Bell, another bus has just barely passed, so that’s great. We end up waiting 45 minutes for this bus. So the bus driver is super nice and greets and says bye to everyone who comes and goes. Also he teaches me how to put a transfer into the thingy that scans it. We get to the mall and get off. Alpha has a list of some stuff to buy. They didn’t have a H&M which is usually my fave. I stopped in Express and Pacsun because… I dunno. I felt like it. Alpha’s mom wanted a Coach purse, but only gave him $150, so it didn’t quite fit in the price range. Apparently Coach bags cost more in China because of luxury taxes. I suspect his parents are moderately wealthy. I see a relatively nice one for $220 but he doesn’t like it. Coach doesn’t have Black Friday sales. They never have any sales. It’s Coach. I don’t really get girls and handbags. I really don’t. You can get a pretty nice designer men’s bag for like $80. And you go to Coach and get a purse that looks like any other purse except it costs $350? What the fuck is that about? I don’t even know what single garment I could possibly spent that amount of money on. Maybe a peacoat with straps and whistles and shit or denim that’s extremely fucking raw. Fucking purses dude, how do they work?

So then he really likes JC Penney for some reason (because he’s new to the country) and he wants a shirt and a tie and a sweater. So he buys this solid blue shirt (sort of a darker powder blue with a bit more saturation) and this white tie. A solid white tie to go with it. And he also picks out a different striped blue polyester tie. A polyester tie. I repeat — this tie is made of polyester, not silk. Also the shirt is polyester/cotton blend. What the fuck. Also he kept on asking me for advice, and I told him not to buy those things but then he kept on arguing so I didn’t give a shit. Don’t argue with people who are giving you advice. Also he really wanted to buy a sweater-vest and really wanted my rationale as to why wearing a sweater-vest is improper. Also he doesn’t know what shopping at Wal-Mart or eating at KFC is improper. He’s sort of fobby in that respect I guess.

On the way back we stop at a grocery store which I’m considering frequenting, although it’s in a shitty neighborhood. Several African-American gentlemen were thoroughly inebriated at the bus stop and on the bus. I was nervous because young black males commit most of the crimes around campus according to the emails I get. So then I came home tired and worn out from walking through a mall. The back of the bus was completely filled with Asians with indeterminate nationality who were talking about Pokemon in indecipherable accents. We all got off at the same stop. I didn’t feel great about it.

I came home and get on Facebook. I talked to some friends, and then noticed that one of the advertisements was Levi’s. They were having a 30% off + free shipping deal. I bought a pair of 514s and a pair of 511s which were already slightly discounted at about $28 each which is an excellent price for what you’re getting. This is the first time I ever clicked an advertisement out of interest and purchased something as a result of that. But it was something I was looking at anyway so w/e.

Happy African-American Friday.

More scared of you than you are of them

I have this really mediocre physio professor who just reads off his cluttered slides. We often have guest lectures so he sits in the audience. A few days ago he sat two seats down from me, so I waved at him and said hi. He looked at me with a completely horrified expression on his face. He didn’t say anything. I turned around.

What? I’ve seen him really chatty with a bunch of other students… wtf. I know who I’m not asking for a letter of rec, lol.

My friend Mitch is not a very funny guy

Freshman year, I made far more friends on the internet than I did in real life. I started posting on a Facebook group for trolls, and I didn’t even really have the conception of internet friends, but it was 2007 and I was only 18 and it was a different world where George W Bush was president, nobody had a smartphone, and Paramore still hadn’t quite made it into the mainstream. One of the first people to add me from the group with Mitch. Mitch was an okay guy. He was still in high school, and he wasn’t very funny or interesting. He’s kind of a bro now. A year or two ago I probably blocked him from my news feed because he liked posting inane shit. Also on the group, we used to call him out for being not funny and retarded.

He went to Arizona State for a month or so before leaving. Apparently it was too hot for him, or at least that’s what he told me. I think he did some community college afterwards and transferred to one of the SUNY colleges. Don’t remember which one, but it was one I’ve heard of before. He’s also studying something inane like video editing or theater arts or something. Like I said, he’s not a super impressive guy.

Anyway, he got supercancer. It’s an incredibly rare flavor of cancer. Prognosis is sorta mediocre, something like 70% 5-year which is okay but the long-term survival is 25%-ish. It sucks because he’s like 20. I wouldn’t even have noticed, but he popped up on the top-right mini facebook feed and there was some sort of benefit concert for him with a bunch of local bands because apparently he was involved in the local scene. And I thought it was a joke, but it turned out that he really had cancer.

Mitch is an okay guy. I hope he beats cancer.

Also Nutella’s boyfriend’s dad had unpleasant cancer. I wonder what happened to him.

A Story of a Lonely Guy

Maybe it’s because of Thanksgiving that I feel particularly lonely. Everyone will be at home with their families, although I don’t really care about that but I miss California because even if I’m lonely at least everything is walkable. And even if I have very few friends at home, few is a greater number than zero. Anyway, yeah. I think Hamburger Helper might still be around but I think she’s working so it’s not like I’ll see her either way.

So I felt more profoundly lonely today. And then my brain was like, “Whelp, get used to it because you’re going to be alone for most of your life.” My brain is a pretty smart dude sometimes. After that I didn’t feel as bad. I guess I’ll just deal.

Get out of my head, Derrida!

After reading this article, I’ve actually began randomly attempting to deconstruct things I see. My Youtube favorites list seemed eerily foreign as people playing random songs with random instruments was suddenly arbitrary and unfamiliar. It was like seeing one of your high school teachers on the street and you’re not sure that it’s them.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/grad-student-deconstructs-takeout-menu,85/

What is a duck?

We have a class called “Drug Delivery” which is a physical chemistry class about like ions and solubility and stuff, and it’s useless as hell. Nobody understands the material or even pays attention. We basically don’t know shit and we all just memorize how to solve problems with specific variables in them. It’s the class where you plug and chug your given numbers into an equation without understanding what any of it means.

Descartes (I think it was him at least) thought that all animals could be explained through mechanistic processes. Like, you could take a bunch of gears and levers and assemble an apparatus that would behave like a duck, like it would swim on lakes and quack and stuff, and it would even look like a duck if you decorated it appropriately. But it’s not a duck.

All we do is memorize how to do is random calculator button-pressing. We don’t know what a duck is.