I am awful at interviewing, I should attempt to change it

Behavioral interviewing is the dumbest thing I’ve ever been subjected to. All it tells you is if someone is capable of memorizing the key points of an unprovable story. It tells you nothing about who that person is. This semester I’ve been sent through a crush of shitty interviews, and I’ve come up with an analysis of the situation to identify and hopefully correct problem areas.

One problem is that I don’t google the organization and spew random garbage back at them about how awesome their organization is, even though most organizations with respect to the stuff that I’m interviewing for are EXACTLY the same due to the state board requirements. Still, when you’re writing for some unsophisticated HR rep who graduated community college in three and a half years, they are apparently inculcated with some Orwellian notion that their organization is superior or distinct from others in some way. So I should google the organization and come up with three things I like about them.

My life doesn’t have very good examples of teamwork or overcoming challenges, at least not ones that reflect well on me. I have decided to incorporate fiction into my daily life more, that is I’m just going to make random shit up and recite that at interviews. They say for spies that the best persona to adopt is closest to your actual persona — you take events in your life and switch them around, you make stories about your friends seem like they happened to you. Or you can just make up fantastic stories because it turns out most people are gullible. Fiction is something that I can do, so I should come up with a bunch of stories of me overcoming challenges.

When I physically deliver the responses, I portray that I’m bad at communication. Not quite sure whether people actually think I’m bad at communication or what.

Also I hate small talk, so I need to work on small talk. I need to do it more with hella randos.

 

So yeah I guess these four things for now unless I think of other stuff.

Advertisements

The Nocturnal Combat of Elephant Seals

Hamburger Helper got a boyfriend towards the end of last semester, and we think that he’s chilled her out a little bit now that she’s having sex and stuff. I might have mentioned him earlier, he’s like 40 and kinda fat but she’s kinda fat. Ugly people need love, too. But apparently their loud sex is keeping Dacia up at nights. She gets woken up at like 2 AM to the sounds of fat people having sex. Apparently HH is a screamer.

Anyway the idea of it grossed out Mystique, but then I told her that it probably didn’t resemble normal people sex, but was probably more like two elephant seals fighting.

Fat people need love, too.

Reflective listening really works.

So June called me and she likes to talk about stuff, like problems that she has. She does the stereotypical girl thing where she doesn’t want solutions to her problems, but just wants to talk about them. So I did the reflective listening thing we did in class where we don’t give direct answers but instead just say what the other person just said. So you say retarded shit like

“I understand that you feel frustrated by the fact that you’re not particularly close friends with this person, yet when you make a dedicated effort to be a better friend, this person still treats you poorly. And since you’re putting so much effort into it, you’re disappointed that the other person isn’t acknowledging it.”

Talking like this to deal with emotional people is something that we spent one or two lectures on, but apparently it really works on people, which I find strange. I hypothesize that it only works on dumb people or maybe people who are inattentive, and I generally consider that a therapist isn’t any help unless he’s smarter than you are. Smarter measured objectively by SAT score.

So that happened and maybe that will help me be better with people.

Also Facebook is transitioning everyone to timeline, so I’m going back in my history and deleting stuff that I wrote in the past that I can no longer ascribe to my name. I’ve already removed several references to the holocaust and a bunch of times I used the word “faggot” “nigger” “niggerfaggot” and several references to rape. Also reading stuff that happened in the past from this point in time, I realize that I was an even more massive asshole than previously thought. One of my indian friends was really mad that I called Ghandi a nigger.