The following commentary describes one of my technicians. She’s fun to work with and we have a some stuff in common, internet memes and we’re kinda jokey dorks. She’s quite pretty but on occasion she’ll say something that will be a complete red flag about her past. She’s also really depressed and comes from a broken family. She made a bunch of really bad life choices, and then eventually recovered enough in life and now’s she’s a burned out pharmacy technician. We’re the same age but our life experiences are so different that she provides really interesting perspective on how a rational person might make really bad decisions.
Her parents were divorced really early and her father is not a nice man (described as sociopathic and lost custody). She was raised by just her mom so she’s the poster child of Daddy Issues. She was religious, but not the self-realized kind, but the kind where you’re raised that way but you’re able to rub two neurons together and then realize that there’s obviously no god. She smoked pot and drank in high school and didn’t show any interest in academics. All the same, she went through the motions of being a normal student and her mild intelligence carried her to a second-tier state school.
Her stint at university was utterly catastrophic. She selected a Spanish major even though she’s a pasty white girl without any background or interest in Spanish. She proceeded attend parties constantly and to fuck such a large number of men with such frequency that she was kicked out of the dorms for her lifestyle. She dropped out after one semester but was stuck with a bill which she just finished paying off this year. The bill wasn’t a large amount of money by student loan standards, but she proved to be destitute on an ongoing basis.
After she left college she adopted a party lifestyle because it was the one thing she really knew how to do. She worked all sorts of odd jobs, and frequently didn’t work at all because she was homeless for a spell and lived in her car. This is a phase of life heavily associated with part-time community college and heavy drug use. This middle period is kind of a blur, but basically she just went to parties every night. Not like classy parties, like going to dive bars and getting trashed. She did the thing where they put chocolate syrup in an inflatable pool and she wrestled with her friend in it. And she went around to burlesque night at a shitty gay bar nearby. She also recounted eating food at Arby’s and going across the street to the plasma donation center. The synergy is that you get money to buy alcohol and you have less blood volume so you get trashed really easy. She worked for a party planning group and she would go to parties a lot that way. She also spent time in the drunk tank for public intoxication.
Through this time, she had a string of short and medium-term relationships which all ended catastrophically. She took a restraining order on an ex-boyfriend who may or may not be a stalker. Another ex developed schizophrenia and I don’t remember what happened as a result. I’ve asked her two pointed questions about her relationship history: (a) why she goes out with complete losers and (b) the only commonality in these catastrophic relationships is her presence, so is she doing something fundamentally wrong? I’ve learned that she has very little self-esteem so she’s willing to go out with losers. I dunno about what happens in her relationship though, but it’s an active area of discussion with her therapist.
The pendulum really swung back the other way starting a couple years ago. Being just a party girl I guess isn’t a winning long term strategy. So she doesn’t drink at all anymore, she does some nerd stuff like D&D. She mostly just mopes around I think because she’s really depressed. I fill her antidepressants.